Let’s Play Minecraft with Geoff, Jack, Michael, Gavin and Ray | Rooster Teeth

(Introduction) [Note: Ray does not have a microphone for this “Let’s Play”. His dialogue is hard to hear.] Jack: Okay … Hey, Minecraft Xbox 360 edition. Jack: My thing says ‘regional resources’, what does yours say? Michael: Well you didn’t sync up yet,actually.
Gavin: Wait, wait… we’re not in the game yet. Geoff: Alright, here we go.
Michael: Oh my god. Michael: I don’t know what I’m doing. Jack: Oh, God! Gavin: I look … good in a suit.
Jack: Sand. Ray: I look like uh… uh, like I play tennis or some shit. Michael: Whoa! Ray: What the fuck? Michael: Holy shit, Geoff! [Geoff laughs]
Geoff: Hey, what’s up! Michael: Dude, Geoff looks like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Geoff: Boop! Michael: He’s got the sweatpants, he’s got the fucking gold chain…
Geoff: Heh heh, Michael looks like – Boop! Michael: Yeah.
[Geoff laughs] Gavin: Ray looks like Boris. Geoff: Get out of the water, dickhead. Michael: I’m… drowning or something, hang on.
Ray: Boris? Jack: What am I doing? I’m punching stuff.
Geoff: [laughing] Geoff: [laughing] Michael: Why am I getting my ass beat?!
Geoff: [laughing] Michael: [laughs] There’s a black man beating the shit out of me.
Jack: Oh I got an achievement. Jack: I just got wood.
Michael: I’M DEAD!! Geoff: [laughing] Geoff: [laughing]
Michael: I was trying to go to busy and you fucking killed me Geoff: I got the map! [Jack and Gavin laugh] Michael: What?! Geoff: [laughs] Michael died and I got a map! Geoff: [maniac laughing continues]
Gavin: Y-you took Michael’s map?
Michael: You fucking thief! C’mere! Geoff: [maniac laughing continues] Geoff: [maniac laughing continues]
Michael: C’mere, you piece of shit! Geoff: [maniac laughing continues] Geoff: [maniac laughing continues]
Gavin: You guys are idiots. Michael: C’mere. Come here, you motherfucker. Geoff: [laughing] See you guys later, AY-O!!
Jack: Is this Minecraft? Is this how it works? Geoff: Where’s fucking turbo!? Michael: GET OUT OF THE WATER, NUMBNUTS!
Ray: Did you say Turbo? Michael: Oh, I got an achievement! Gavin: Hello everyone, and welcome to our Minecraft Let’s Play. Geoff: [laughing]
Michael: I’m gonna fucking kill Geoff. Gavin: So far Geoff has murdered Michael and stolen his map. [Geoff laughs]
Michael: It’s true. Jack: I’m going to hit someone with some wood Ray: Geoff, you entered the game with a map? Geoff: Boop! Michael: I am coming for you Gavin: Capture the map. Jack: Hey, are we going to make a house? Are we making houses or what are we doing? Michael: Dude, I don’t know how to do shit I never played the game before Jack: Me neither. I’m behind BrownMan. Geoff: Oop! Hey leave me alone! Leave me alo – Oh! You dick! Michael: Oooh … Map received, motherfucker!
Geoff: Where’d my map go? Jack: I want to make a sandcastle in the sand. Michael: The map is back. [Geoff giggles] Jack: Alright, Ray, I’m helping you.
Ray: Alright. Jack: Are we, where are we –
Micheal: [Startled noise] Fuck! There’s Geoff. [Geoff laughs]
Ray: Shoutout to Bliss Falsetto Geoff: Dude, I’m jacking this tree off like crazy. Michael: Dude, how do you how do you switch inventories? Jack: Hey Ray? Ray: Yeah, what’s up? Jack: Let’s secretly make a house and not invite anyone in. Ray: Alright, cool. Geoff: Guess what I’m going to do?
Gavin: .. You made me Geoff: I’m gonna .. fuckin.
Michael: I’ll jack this tree off. Gavin: You made me splitscreen with Ray so he’s not going to secretly do anything. [Geoff and Michael laugh] Jack: Alright.
Geoff: Also, I will Geoff: I will fuckin’… Big Bad Wolf your house down.
Michael: Hey… Michael: Hey, how do I mine shit? Geoff: Why can’t I knock this fuckin’ tree down with my stick hand? Michael: Dude, I’m tryin’. Ray: I’m gonna go find wood. Jack: I found some wood. I’m making Jack: a door.
Geoff: Oh, here we go. Michael: Geoff
Jack: We’ve got a base, okay Geoff: Alright, we got some wood, got some wood
Micheal: Woah, how did you do that?
Jack: that’s all I got some wood for. Geoff: Fuckin’ hold down right… whatever. Michael: Oh look at that – if you hold it down it goes. Jack: Chopping down trees. Punch punch punch punch punch. Michael: Dude, I got wood. Jack: I need to make an axe. Gavin: Oh, getting achievements left and right, guys. Michael: Shut up. Jack: How do I make an axe? Geoff: Uhh, we need to make a crafting table.
Ray: Make a crafting table. Michael: How is anything anything?
Jack: How do I do that? Geoff: What do you guys wanna – hey! Geoff: Ah fuck! I’ve been awarded a gamerpic.
Jack: Chop chop chop chop. Geoff: Featuring Steve. What the fuck is that? [Michael and Jack laugh]
Ray: From Blue’s Clues? Geoff: Goddamn… alright.
Ray: Does he have a green striped rugby shirt?
Jack: Who’s Steve? Geoff: Alright, hey, guys –
Gavin: Ah, I twisted my damn ankles. Geoff: guys guys guys Geoff: guys guys.
Michael: Yep. Geoff: Hey guys, guys. Where le- wher- let’s- wher- le- Where should we build a house? Jack: I don’t know, you guys should go build your own house somewhere else. Gavin: I’m not going to build a house anywhere near you. Geoff: Fuckin’ yes you are.
Michael: Wow, I’ll build a house with you Geoff. Geoff: Alright, let’s build a house. Michael: Where are you?
Gavin: Uh. Michael: Hey, Geoff.
Geoff: Yeah, check it out. Michael: I have the map. Geoff: How’s that buildin’- how’s that house buildin’ going? Jack: Goddamnit.
[Jack and Michael laugh] Geoff: Are we going to build a house together or am I going to do this for the next hour?
[Geoff, Jack, Michael laugh] Jack: You fucker.
Geoff: Your decision … Jack: Alright, let’s keep working on our house. Jack: Geoff broke some wall.
Michael: How do you Jack: C’mon Geoff, put the wall back.
Michael: build stuff? Gavin: [snickers] How do you build stuff?
Geoff: Hold on a second. Jack: Is Geoff just sad?
Michael: I’ve never played the game before! Michael: I haven’t played the tutorial. I wanted to play the tutorial today Jack: Okay, to me Geoff is just sitting in a pit
Michael: And then you’re like, Jack: looking at his feet.
Michael: “No, you’re not allowed to play”. Jack: Why is Geoff sad? Gavin: Oh I need to make some torches. Michael: Geoff looks like he’s going to kill himself. [Geoff, Jack, Michael laugh]
Michael: Quick! Box him in! Box him in! Gavin: I’m ahead of the game. Jack: Where’s Gavin? Geoff: I’m making a crafting table for us guys, come on. [Garbled noises]
Michael: We’re all for it. Jack: Alright I’m going to get- I’m going to get some more wood. Geoff: Alright… uhh… Gavin: So Geoff, what are you doing in this game so far? Geoff: I’m gonna try to make a fuckin’ stick or something. [Michael, Gavin, Jack and Geoff laugh] Gavin: I left my uh… my crafting table up here. Michael: Dude, I ran out of stuff.
Jack: Chop chop chop chop… Michael: Cause I- I put it all down. Gavin: Ray, it looks like you just barfed a load of sand. Ray: I did.
Michael: How do you… Michael: So…
Geoff: Uhh, what am I doing wrong here? [Michael and Gavin snicker] Geoff: Oh, I made a bunch of crafting ta- oh where’d I? Ray: A bunch? You only need one.
Gavin: You made a bunch of craft-? Geoff: You pricks.
[Geoff laughs] Geoff: I think uh Ray: We can all use it.
Michael: Wait. Geoff: Alright, hey check it out Geoff: I’m gonna fucking…
Gavin: That’s confusing. Michael: Hey Geoff. Please, stop.
Jack: Alright. Jack: What are ya doing Geoff?
Geoff: Watch…
Gavin: So… Geoff: I’m trying to build the thing. Gavin: Who here has played Minecraft before?
Geoff: Alright, check it out. Geoff: Uhhhhhh… Fuckin’… uhhh, place. Alright, I place-te- place-ted it. Placed-ted it. Geoff: Placed it.
[Ray, Michael and Geoff laugh]
Michael: Place-ted it. Gavin: Oh yeah by the way, you don’t-
Geoff: That’s why I’m tryin’ to make us ah, Geoff: I’m gonna fucking defend us Gavin: Ohhhh! Achievement central!
Geoff: I’m gonna fucking defend us. Gavin:Ohhhh! Achievement central!
Geoff: I can’t get to it, ya pricks! Jack: Alright, here we go I can make a stick.
Michael: [laughing] Hey, achievement central? Geoff: Uhhh, left.
Michael: [laughing] Hey, achievement central? Gavin: I like the… oh my god. Geoff: Fucking, wooden axe and bitches!
Michael: Uh …. Should I just go around breakin’ shit? Geoff: Fuckin… wooden hoe! Gavin: [laughs] Geoff: Alright. Gavin: The first thing you make is a hoe… Jack: Oh, I gotta make sticks, I gotta make two sticks. Geoff: Here I’ll make another- I’ll put the other cra- [sighs] Geoff: Crafting… table, over here.
Jack: Okay How do you ma- … I need to make sticks Geoff: How do you place it?
Michael: What the fuck you need to make an axe? Geoff: How do you place it?
Gavin: Dude, Gavin: I am… mining so much iron. Gavin: You sluts should be jealous.
Jack: Alright, create. Jack: How do I create?! Geoff: Place. Place! Jack: Create. Stick. Michael: OH FUCK! Michael: Why are we all making separate huts? Geoff: Why are- I’m not- I’m making out-
Jack: We’re not. We’re all in here Geoff: I’m workin on- I’m making one with Jack over here
Gavin: [Snorts] Jack: Alright I’m going to make a stick Michael: Yeah I bet you are.
Gavin: [laughs] Ray: You make that stick
Jack: How the fu..
Gavin: You guys are really going all out. Jack: It’s not letting me. I-I- It- it says I don’t have the ingredients. Jack: I have plenty of ingredients to make a stick
Geoff: Place. Gavin: You need wooden planks for a stick. Ray: You have to break down the wood. Geoff: Oh! Wait. Let me…
Jack: That’s stupid. Jack: Is this a stair – how do we get out of this house? Jack: You gotta be careful Geoff.
Geoff: Make a door. Geoff: I didn’t do shit. Michael: Oh shit! Michael: I got a gamer pic. Michael: It’s Steve. Jack: Ok.
Michael: Fuck you Steve. Michael: Naw just kidding I love Steve.
Geoff: Look at these fucking Geoff: walls I’m making Jack. Michael: Ok I’m gonna find you guys with the map. Jack: Alright, I need a stone pickaxe. Geoff: Where did you ga- Where did you get- Where did you go Michael? Michael: OH FUCK! A pig! Michael: Come here bitch! Gavin: [chuckles] Michael: I’m fucking him up. I’m fighting him with dirt or something. [Pig Death Squeal] Michael: Or no – I beat him to death with a block of wood. Michael: I didn’t get shit! I didn’t get any bacon. Geoff: Why would you – Is there bacon this game? Ray: [Intelligible] Michael: Why not? Geoff: I dunno! I like the – I’m not like opposed to the idea. Michael: I gotta fucking Michael: kill the pig.
Geoff: I just wasn’t aware of it. Gavin: Alright. I’m going to the Earth’s core. Gavin: I’ll see you bitches later. Jack: [laughs] Michael: Alright. Jack: Have fun Gavin. Geoff: What is up with this fucking dumbass wall somebody put here? Geoff: Get rid of that. Michael: [snort laugh] Michael: Where the hell is everybody else? Gavin: Are you making a log cabin? Michael: Dude, you do look like a tennis player. Gavin: [laughs] He looks like Gavin: Boris Becker.
Jack: There we go! Jack: We have a door!
Michael: Shut up Micheal: that’s not a real person Gavin.
Geoff: Fuck yeah dude! I’m gonna Geoff: get some more – I’m gonna get some axe stuff. Geoff: Was it trees Jack: Fuck yeah door. Jack: [laughs]
Geoff: We – fuck yeah dude. Michael: I don’t know where the hell they are!
Gavin: Do we have to- Gavin: Do we have to be swearing about it? Michael: Yes.
Jack: Door. Michael: Shut up.
Jack: Door. Geoff: Jack we are gonna have- Michael: Holy shit! Michael: Look at this house – this is nice as fuck. Michael: I’m staying here dude. Geoff: We are gonna have a pimp ass fucking house Jack. Jack: We are. Ok.
Michael: Check this out. Jack: I’m gonna place some more.
Michael: You guys have been clearly been- Ray: [inaudible] come in and checks out your gamertag. Michael: I love how- how the design is like Geoff: Yeah how’s he gonna come in cause he- can he open the door? Michael: I like the design. Michael: There’s – there’s wood- there’s wooden planks Michael: Wood. Like brick and just like all kinds of shit. Jack: I’m – I’m putting a roof on. Geoff. I’m gonna leave a skylight though. Geoff: Yeah yeah yeah! Geoff: Oh. Oh. I’m gonna make a- a fucking, I know how to make glass.
(Someone: A hole in the fucking ceiling though.) Geoff: From the tutorial.
Jack: Ooh. Ok. Geoff: So I’m gonna make us windows too.
Jack: Alright, well Jack: Here I’m adding- ok like the roof. Geoff: Oh I can’t get up there…
Jack: Here I’m adding- ok like the roof. Geoff: Uhhhh Let me put a…
Michael: How the fuck? Jack: You have to jump up the side yeah. Geoff: Yeah Gavin: I don’t know if it’s this TV but I c- just can’t see Geoff: [Imitating British Gavin] Can’t see Ray: You realize you have the smallest screen of everyone else and that’s the problem. Jack: There. Can you put- can you put some uh-
Ray: You realize you have the smallest screen of everyone else and that’s the problem. Gavin: Yeah. Cause-
Jack: windows in there?
Ray: You realize you have the smallest screen of everyone else and that’s the problem. Gavin: The douche-lords wanted to do splitscreen. Geoff: What’s a douche-law? Jack: Oops sorry sorry I hit you. Gavin: -Lord Jack: That was my bad. Michael: Aw man I’m gonna make a stick. Hang on. Gavin: [Giggles]
Jack: Alright. Gavin: [Giggles] Gavin: I like that your guys’ biggest achievements
Geoff: Oops! Oh, I fucking closed the door Geoff: Oh shit it’s getting dark! Jack: Oh God.
Michael: Boom, I got a fucking pickaxe. Jack: Here, make- make- Okay we’ve got our- our things up here Make, uh, can you put windows up here? Geoff: Oh, I gotta make em first- Aw fuck I gotta make windows. I need glass. Gavin: [Laugh] Why do you need windows?
Geoff: I mean, no, I mean, yeah. Ray: You have to make a furnace first.
Gavin: What’s the urge to make windows? Geoff: Yeah, somebody make a furnace. I’m gonna – I’m getting sand like a dick. Ray: Dick-sand Geoff: Yeah, we need lots of sand. Michael: Dude I fucking just did stuff.
Jack: Oh god, it’s getting dark. Jack: I’ve got a sword. Jack: Don’t worry, guys, I have a sword.
Geoff: Somebody… Geoff: Somebody make…
Ray: Jack will protect us. Jack: I will protect you from on top of the house. Geoff: Somebody- uh- somebody make the furnace. How do you make a furnace? Ray: I don’t remember.
Geoff: [groans loudly] Gavin: You need eight cobblestone blocks in a circle.
Jack: Yeah we’re saving. Geoff: Get em’.
Michael: Dude. Gavin: Or just-
Michael: Oh I dropped my–no–pick it up. Gavin: I guess we’re gonna have to build it in this one.
Michael: [makes noises] Gavin: Oops. Jack: Get in the house. Michael: Oh I’m getting in… God! No! Let me in! How do I open a door? Geoff: Uhh I got all the sand in the world, guys. We just need uh somebody to make, who’s got cobblestones? Michael: What are we doing with sand?
Jack: I don’t know. Geoff: What the fuck was everybody doing while Jack and I were busting ass? Michael: Dude, I was making a wooden axe.
[Others talk simultaneously] Michael: Duh. Geoff: Nobody made any fucking cobblestone?
Jack: Uhh… Ray: I got a map.
[Spider noise] Michael: I also have a map.
Geoff: Hey-ey, alright congratulations.
Jack: Thank god for that. Geoff: I got four pairs of stairs.
[Gavin laughs] Jack: What are you doing?
Geoff: Where’s the door? Geoff: Who’s at the door?
Jack: It’s over here. Jack: Door’s over here.
Michael: Oh is that? Check it out.
Geoff: Oh check it out. Michael: Oh shit a spider!
Geoff: Jack, get out of there. Get out of the way. Boop. Boop. Look at that made some stairs. Jack: Oh look at that! Now there’s stairs. Geoff: Yeah… Fucking booyah.
Michael: Dude, get fucked up spider. Geoff: Is any…
Michael: Oh my god. Geoff: Does anyone have a light? Jack: Uhh [laughs]
[Michael laughs] Michael: I got an achievement.
Jack: No. Geoff: It’s gonna be night time for a while. Jack: I think it is night time.
Geoff: Should we uhh… Michael: No it’s definitely night time.
Ray: If we all made beds we can go to sleep. Geoff: Yeah, can we make beds?
Jack: How do you make a bed? Michael: Make a bed for me.
Gavin: You need wool. Gavin: You need three wool, and you need wooden planks. Michael: Well I ain’t got no wool, yo. Ray: I haven’t seen any sheep yet, so that could be a problem. Michael: I saw a pig, but I fucked it.
[Geoff and Jack laugh] Geoff: So, can uh- does anyone wanna brave going outside to try to get some fuckin’ sandstone or whatever? Michael: Dude I’ve been outside the whole time. Gavin: Why d’you want sandstone? You guy- You’re a moron. Michael: Oh fuck. A spider. Ray: You have to eat food for health.
Jack: See him? Gavin: How’d I get down here?
Geoff: Oh shit, dude. Michael: Ahh! Shit! Gavin: [laughs] Why’d you die? What killed you?
Jack: Look at the skeletons. Michael: A spider.
[Gavin giggles] Geoff: I should make uhh…
Gavin: You got killed by a spider. Michael: Yeah!
Geoff: I should make uhhh… Michael: Oh what the fuck? I lose all my shit? Gavin: Yeah… you’re screwed. Michael: What the fuck? Nobody told me that.
Geoff: One, two, three…no, no, no. Geoff: One, two, I got that–
Gavin: How did I get down here? Geoff: I need one of those.
Gavin: How did I get down here? Michael: You fucking…
[Jack laughs] Gavin: Where’s the door?
Geoff: One of those things. Michael: You went down, stupid.
Gavin: Where’s the effing door?
Geoff: ….Inventory. Geoff: I’ll put the stairs over… Ray: Tell stories of my bravery– Jack: Oh look at this, Geoff! Look, there’s a skeleton over here. Jack: Outside of our window.
Geoff: Oh I wanna see. Jack: We can see it from the protection of our house.
Gavin: I cannot see anything. Geoff: Hey, let’s heckle it. Geoff: Hey, what’s up, dickhead?
Jack: What’s up, stupid? Jack: Oh he fell.
[Michael screams] Michael: [screaming loudly] Oh fuck! Shit!
[Everyone else laughs] Michael: Jesus!
Jack: [laughing] I saw him fall. Michael: Oh god! Oh he’s loose!
[Geoff laughing] Michael: He is loose. There’s a spider on the house.
[Geoff laughs harder] Michael: [yelling] There’s a spider on top of the house! Get in the house! Jesus, no.
[Gavin snorts] [Geoff laughs, Michael yells] Jack: Michael’s inside.
Michael: Good lord! Jack: Door’s over here.
[spider noise] Michael: Who put a spider up there?
Geoff: Check it out, door’s open! Gavin: Where am I?! I’m lost.
[Jack laughs] Michael: You went down, you idiot, of course! Gavin: I can’t even see where I am. I’ve got a black screen. Michael: [imitating Gavin] Oh my god, it’s dark in the center of the earth! [Jack laughs loudly] Gavin: Hey, could someone like bury… like tunnel down to me ’cause I can’t see where I am. Michael: Fuck!
Jack: Oh, we’re good. Gavin: I’ve fallen into a dark hole. Michael: I have 25 pieces of sand.
Geoff: Tunnel down?
[Jack laughs] Geoff: Dude, this house is fuckin’ awesome. Michael: This house sucks! What are you talking about?! Look how small it is.
Geoff: Alright, alright, alright, alright. Geoff: Oh, oh, if we’re gonna survive, Geoff: Alright, so we should, we should make plans. Jack: We need to build a sofa. Geoff: What are you doing tomorrow, Jack?
Gavin: Oh, I see daylight! Jack: I think tomorrow, I’m gonna go, Well, I’ve got my pickaxe and I got a sword.
Michael: I got nothing. Geoff: I’ll make a furnace, and then I’ll make windows.
Jack: Okay, okay. Ray: That spider’s still on the roof by the way.
Geoff: Oh shit! Geoff: Shit! Shit! I fucked up. Why did I go outside? [whines] [Jack laughs]
Geoff: Oh no, no oh no, no oh no. Ray: I killed the ones behind you, don’t worry. Ray: We’re safe now.
Geoff: No no no, no no no
Gavin: Where are you guys? Geoff: No no no, no no, no no
[spider noises and arrow sounds] Ray: You should see our gamertags somewhere. Geoff: Oh god, I’m stuck in a–fuck! AAH! Died! Gavin: You died? [laughs]
Geoff: Damnit! [Gavin screaming] Jack: How’d you die?
Gavin: Oh my god! Geoff: I had so much– Gavin: I fell down the biggest hole in the world! Geoff: Where the fuck am I now?! Jack: Where’d you go, Geoff? Geoff: Oh! I went outside
Jack: Oh god. Geoff: to get some sand-
Gavin: Could someone throw me a porkchop? Geoff: and I fucking died.
[Michael and Ray laugh] Geoff: And now, I don’t have anything I had. Geoff: I don’t have any of the things I had.
Jack: Oh, oh, I can hit the skeleton. Jack: I can hit the skeleton from the window. Oh, I killed the skeleton! Ray: Nice.
Jack: Oh there’s a spider. Ray: My hero.
Jack: I’m gonna… Yeah! Geoff: This is…gonna…
Jack: Oh I killed a spider. Geoff: Um. This is gonna delay…
Jack: Yeah! I just got an achievement. Geoff: Can I do…
Michael: God damnit. Fucking skeleton. Gavin: Oh for god sakes. Ray: Boris, the tennis player, will destroy the spider–
[Gavin laughs] Jack: Look at that, Geoff. There’s a spider like right above my head.
Michael: A “sweapon”, a “sweapon”. Jack: Where, where are you? Geoff: I’m right next to you.
Jack: Can you see it? Look. Jack: It’s like up in the window. Geoff: Oh, fuck! Jack: Yeah, fucking spider.
Geoff: Dude, kill him. Gavin: I need to smelt my uhh, what am I doing here? Jack: Whoa! Oh god! He’s inside! Geoff: What?! Jack: How did the spider get inside?
Geoff: How’d he get inside? Geoff: Well we need that glass bad. Michael: Holy shit!
Geoff: Get him, get him.
[Jack yells] Geoff: Jesus! I fuckin’ killed ’em.
Michael: Ohh, there’s like a… Michael: There’s like a bear, or what the hell? Oh it’s a cow?
Geoff: I killed him with my bone. Michael: I wanna kill it. C’mere you fuck.
Jack: How the fuck did the spider get inside the house? Geoff: Alright, It’s daytime enough. He probably made… Michael: Oh dude, achievement. Fucked up a cow. Geoff Oh dude, I got spider string. [Jack yells]
Michael: [yells] Damn it! Ray: Is that what that sound was?
Jack: Oh jeez, I’m gonna die! Jack: Oh! How do I run? How do I run? Michael: I’ve died like 14 times.
Ray: …by default. Geoff: Ah! Look! What the fuck?!
Jack: Oh god! Geoff: No nonononono no! Jack: Oh I died!
Geoff: Who’s killing me?! Geoff: What is that?!
Gavin: It’s a zombie. It’s a zombie. Geoff: Get away from me!
Gavin: Oh my god! What happened to you Ray? Ray: Uhh a creeper. It snuck up on me.
[Gavin snickers] Michael: Dude, there are zombies
Geoff: I’m…fuckin’… Gavin: Go on a sheep hunt and find some bed-
Jack: Sun! Ray: Oh my god, it’s not daytime enough yet. Gavin: [laughing] It’s not daytime enough. Michael: Oh! Dude! I keep falling in a fuckin’ hole someone built. [Jack laughs and Geoff sighs]
Michael: Damn it! Michael: It’s killing me.
Jack: A zombie’s on fire. What’s up zombie? Michael: What the fuck is on fire? Jack: He can’t do anything. Gavin: Zombie’s burn in the sunlight.
Jack: You got nothin’. Jack: You got nothin’, you got nothin’.
Michael: Guess what. There’s other shit… Jack: That’s right, zombie. You’re on fire.
Micheal: that’s still killin’ me. Jack: Yeah. What’s up?
Ray: Skeletor over there is still shooting arrows, so he’s not affected by the sun. Michael: Fucking die, you prick.
Jack: Jesus Christ. Geoff: Alright, I got an axe again.
Michael: I’ve died like a hundred times.
Jack: There he goes. Gavin: I’m waiting for this zombie–
Geoff: [yells] Oh no, I…fuck! Geoff: I opened the door and fucking died.
Gavin: [yells] Oh no, the zombie’s coming in! Geoff: How? It’s- [groans] [Gavin yells] Ray: You don’t have a sword to defend yourself with?
Gavin: Oh no! I’m gonna die down here. [Gavin screaming] Gavin: No I didn’t.
Ray: You’re so fuckin’ lucky. Gavin: I got an achievement. [laughs] Michael: After all that, I have three pieces of wood. Gavin: Okay… Geoff: Yeah, well I have zero pieces of anything, after all that. Gavin: Let’s… find… Gavin: Where’s some food?
Jack: Alright. Ray: Alright, so…
Jack: So, where do you make beds? Michael: We’re all just standing here fucking mining, Like, just hitting trees ’cause we have nothing.
[Jack and Geoff laugh] Jack: Where’s the house? Where’s the house? Ray: I-I lost it. Jack: Did we lose the house? Gavin: What do you mean you lost the house?
Michael: Wait- How- What do you mean we lost it? Gavin: Where’d you build it?
Michael: Did the bank come and take it? Michael: What do you mean you lost it?
Jack: Hey there’s a chicken. Geoff: I’m…what, what do you mean the house is lost?
Gavin: They repossessed your house [snickers]. Ray: We don’t know where it is. Geoff: It was being- It was kinda by water. Oh, maybe it’s over here. Geoff: Uuh…
Ray: You’ll have to make like a cobblestone spire. Geoff: No. Alright, alright.
[Gavin snickers] Geoff: Jack this sets us back a bit, but we can make a new house. Gavin: [quietly] Uhh how ’bout not, uhh. Michael: Just a quick question – who shit their pants again? Geoff: Uh that was me.
Michael: Okay. Geoff: How do you lose a house?! Jack: I don’t know. I- I’m looking at the map. I see- I don’t see it. Gavin: Let me get this straight: four of you built a house and all four of you forgot where it was.
[Michael snorts] Jack: We all died.
Michael: No, I didn’t help at all, to be fair. Michael: Build a new house.
Geoff: Alright.
Jack: Down here? Jack: If we go down, there’s like this nice little sort of closed in area down here. Geoff: Oh, I think Gavin’s down here.
Jack: Oh, Gavin’s down here. Ray: I fucked the snow tree again.
[Michael snorts] Gavin: Dude this is my fort of safety. Hey, how’s it going?
[Jack and Gavin laugh] Geoff: Hey, guess what – we just moved in.
Jack: Why are you wearing a suit? Gavin: Hey, hey, hey, sluts. This is where I live.
Jack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No we’re claiming it. Jack: Nope. No, we’re cool. Gavin: What the hell? Jack: I’m building shit now.
[Gavin snickers] Michael: Dude, people just move up into your house and build shit.
Gavin: People just move in, man. Gavin: You’re not taking my iron though.
Geoff: Yeah, we just did. Jack: Alright, I’m gonna build, let’s see here. Gavin: Wish Pvt Dylon wouldn’t sign in over my f–damn furnace. Jack: I need rock.
Ray: Probably should set ourselves to busy. Jack: Oh shit.
Michael: It’s pronounced “dye-lon”, but Michael: yeah you probably should set yourselves to busy.
Gavin: Hardware Acquired. Gavin: Dude, it is achievement city down here. Ray: At first it was “central”, now it’s a whole city.
Gavin: Yeah. Geoff: Uh do we have a- a fucking smelting pot yet or whatever it is? Ray: Yeah Gavin has one down there.
Jack: [quietly] Hey, shhh. Gavin: [laughs] Smelting pot? Furnace.
Jack: [quietly] I stole Gavin’s torch. Gavin: Hey! Ay! Ay!
[Jack and Michael laugh] Gavin: What are you doing down here?
Jack: How the fuck do I get outta here? Gavin: [laughs] I had that problem earlier.
Geoff: I’m gonna uuh make us… Ray: Oh hey, I found the house! Jack: Where’s the–Oh shit!
Ray: I was building next to it. Gavin: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Geoff: Oh, you found our house?!
[Jack and Ray laugh] Geoff: Let’s get the fuck out of here, Jack. Geoff: Let’s go back to our house.
Jack: Alright, alright. Gavin: You were building a replacement house
Michael: I don’t know. Where the hell are you? Gavin: next door to the original house! You guys, what is wrong with you?
[Jack laughs] Gavin: Ray is building a house literally Gavin: six feet-
Ray: I’m like fuck I can’t find the house Ray: I turn around. I find the house–
[Gavin snickers] Michael: Dude, fuckin’ make a- make an extension.
Jack: Somebody’s cow. Michael: and like connect the two.
Gavin: He accidentally built a conservatory. Jack: Hey! Ray: Boris the tennis player has–[inaudible]
[Gavin and Jack laugh] Geoff: Fuck yeah, alright, so I’ll get the sand Jack: Alright, where do you get stone? Geoff: I’m-I’m getting some right now.
Gavin: Stone is just– Gavin: The whole world is made of stone. Michael: Dude, I gave you stone.
Jack: No, it’s made of apparently dirt and wood. Gavin: Yeah, you gotta dig. Geoff: I got two stone. How many do I need? like eight? Gavin: Two stone – that’s like 28 pounds. Gavin: No, you could break stone but you just won’t get it.
Geoff: What do you need? Geoff: Just wood and sand? Is that right? Gavin: Ray! Ray!
Michael: This chops down shit way faster.
Ray: …what? Gavin: Why are you chopping down my chimney? Ray: This is your chimney?
Gavin: Yeah! Gavin: Why do you think it’s cobblestone, you donut?
[Michael snorts] Ray: Oh. Well… Michael: You just got “donut”-ed.
Jack: [imitates Gavin] You donut. Geoff: That was sand.
Ray: Who has two crafting tables? Ray: Oh hey there’s a furnace here. I’ll just use this. Geoff: In case you wanna craft–
Gavin: [laughs] it’s my furnace. Geoff: In case two people want to craft at once. Michael: Why do homes have more than one bathroom, Ray? [Geoff and Jack laugh loudly Gavin: That wasn’t my chimney, by the way. Geoff: Ha ha that’s awesome. Jack: Okay, what is that you need to make the bed? Oh, it’s wool, right? Gavin: You need three wool and three wood… planks. Geoff: Alright, where’s my- oh fuck, where’s my glass? Michael: I am sick of playing this.
Gavin: I am sick of being told that people are playing Minecraft. Jack: Okay, so you get ’em once they drop their wool. Jack: You don’t have to kill ’em
Gavin: Yeah. Jack: But you can get them to drop their wool.
Geoff: Where the fuck did my glass go? Michael: Yeah, but it’s fun murdering them. Gavin: I don’t like that some tennis player is trashing my house right now. Ray: [deep voice] Boris the tennis player!
[Gavin laughs] Gavin: Are you wearing a gold hat, or is that you hair?
Ray: That’s my hair. [laughs] Michael: Dude, that’s him being fuckin’ stylish. Gavin: Oh, dropped my pickaxe. Geoff: Oh baby, this is nice. Ohh look at that.
[Ray and Jack laugh] Geoff: Look at that window!
Jack: [Inaudible] if I kill him? Geoff: Look at that motherfuckin’ window.
Gavin: Yeah it just happens to be the walls of my house. Geoff: Alright.
[Michael laughs] Gavin: Ray is burrowing my walls. Michael: So what do you do with the furnace? Anything, or? Gavin: You can smelt ore.
[Geoff groans] Gavin: So if you find iron ore, you can smelt. You can make iron ingots. Michael: I have the bed. How do I put it down? [laughs] Gavin: Place it. Left trigger. Gavin: Place it on the block closer to you.
Geoff: ‘Kay… Geoff: How much glass do I need?
Jack: Is it getting dark or am I just– [Michael exclaims] Jack: Is it getting dark out?
Michael: Dude, my bed’s awesome. Jack: I’m nervous. Geoff: Don’t worry, we’re almost good. Geoff: I just have four more pieces…three more–
Gavin: I think a day is ten minutes. Geoff: Oh shit, It’s getting dark. Michael: Dude, hey just so you guys know, there’s a bed in the house. You can walk up to it and press A, if you want to learn more about beds. [Geoff and Gavin laugh]
Michael: [laughs] …Ju- just saying. Jack: Alright.
Ray: [Inaudible] stone pickaxe. Geoff: One more glass, come on. One more window.
Jack: I’m heading back to the house. Jack: What is that pig doing in the water? Geoff: Maybe he’s from San Marcos.
Michael: –black. What the fuck? Geoff: Ho! Local joke. Jack gets it.
[Jack laughs] Geoff: Oh you know what we should have made? Fuckin’ lights. Jack: I’ve- I’ve got a torch. I stole it from- from Gavin’s mine. Geoff: Oh shit! Put it on the wall. Let’s fuckin’…
[Gavin laughs] Jack: Hang on, I’m running. Oh goddamn it’s so dark.
Gavin: I like that you’re all sharing one of mine. Jack: Okay, how do I put a torch on the wall without burning? Michael: I’m trying to…fortify the home
Jack: Alright, I’m gonna place. You guys ready for this? Ray: No. Go for it. Jack: Yeah what’s up!
Ray: The man went for it. Geoff: Yeah, what’s up! How ya doin’?
[Gavin laughs] Geoff: Light.
Gavin: That looks so cozy in there.
[Jack laughs] Jack:Oh god, Michael’s cutting a hole in the wall! Michael: I’m fixing it. I’m putting wood. You have dirt and shit.
[Jack and Gavin laugh] Gavin: Michael’s head just pops through.
[Jack laughs] Michael: I’ve been slowly repairing the place.
[Geoff laughs] Gavin: Oh my god, it takes a long time to mine redstone.
Jack: Oh, oh an axe. Oh nice. Michael: That way we’ll have more room for activities. Gavin: Found some completely useless lapis. Jack: I’m gonna put, oh shit, should I put it right next to it? Or should I put it over here? Geoff: You found some useless ladders? Is that what you said? Gavin: Lapis. Jack: “BrownMan is sleeping in a bed”. Geoff: Nice.
Michael: Lazy fuck. Figures. Jack: Hang on, I’m gonna put one down. Michael: This guy’s used to unemployment.
Geoff: Check it out. How does this look, Jack? Geoff: Am I doin’ him?
[Geoff and Jack laugh] Jack: [laughs] That looks so gross.
Ray: My mouth hole’s being penetrated. [Geoff and Jack laugh loudly]
Geoff: Does it? Jack: Yeah [laughs]
[Geoff laughs] Ray: [laughs] Boris doesn’t stand for this! Geoff: Check this out. Watch this. Eughhh. Geoff: Eughhh
[Jack laughs]
Michael: I need that fuckin’… Jack: [laughing] Your sword looks like a penis.
Michael: I need a bed.
[Geoff continues making noises] [Geoff and Jack laugh loudly] Ray: You’re cock-slapping me in the forehead. Geoff: Eugh, eugh, eugh.
Ray: Giving me a mushroom stamp.
[Jack continues laughing] Gavin: We’re going to have to re-rate this video.
Ray: Alright, I’ve had enough of that. Jack: Yeah, alright. Hey, how do I set down this bed?
Gavin: I don’t think strong- Gavin: “Shmelting” some iron.
Geoff: Uh nnnnnnnnnnothing is happening. Ray: I’m glad you’re excluding yourself from the group, and you have all the good stuff. Gavin: Aw dude, I’ve got it great down here. You should see all my stuff. Michael: [sing-song imitating Gavin] Got it great down here. Gavin: [giggles] I do keep falling down massive holes. Geoff: You know what Gavin can’t do? Fight four of us at once. Geoff: So!
[Everybody laughs] Geoff: Here’s what I’m thinking.
Jack: Oh yeah. Michael: In Minecraft? Or? Geoff: Yeah, either way. Jack: Can we make, like our offices?
Michael: We have plenty of space. Jack: Like, Geoff- you and I get our room.
Michael: Well this will end up being someone’s office. Jack: Ray and Michael – they can have their pony room. Oh god! Geoff: Can you make stuff that’s green and also white?
Michael: That’d be awesome. Jack: That’d be cool.
Gavin: Yeah. Geoff: ‘Cause we can make Achievement Hunter office. Gavin: You can make green wool and white wool.
Geoff: There ya go. Gavin: Does anyone want some mushrooms? Geoff: Yeah, I’ll take some. What do you do with them?
Michael: I need health. Geoff: Four of us in here…
Michael: Can I make any food? Geoff: So, what are you doing Gavin?
Michael: Nope.
Jack: Oh shit. Gavin: Uhh I’m trying to find diamond. Geoff: Obama’d be so proud.
Michael: I wanna go out there, Geoff: Aw fuck, I made a pickaxe
Michael: but I don’t want to lose my stuff. Geoff: and I meant to make a sword. Geoff: Oh, I got an achievement.
Michael: Well you fucked up. Geoff: “Getting an Upgrade: Construct a better pickaxe”
Michael: Well you didn’t fuck up. [Gavin yells]
Michael: Good job, Geoff.
Ray: Nice, Geoff. Geoff: That was worth it. Gavin: Oh, I thought um someone on Ray’s screen was a zombie on my screen. Michael: Hey, you have a split screen, Gavin. How do you feel about that? Geoff: Alright, so…oh shit…so
Gavin: I’m, you know, great. Gavin: [quietly] Oh this is going to be sweet.
Geoff: I’ll put that there. Ray: It’s turning daytime.
Jack: Is it? Ray: Uh, yeah.
Jack: Alright, don’t go out yet. Jack: We know what happened last time.
Michael: I have one heart. Michael: I need to construct some fuckin’ food. Jack: There was a spider on our roof, by the way. [laughs] Geoff: Guess what! We can study him Geoff: through the fuckin’ night lights I made.
Michael: Oh dude, I’m lookin’ at his dick hole. Jack: Oh yeah, there he is. Ray: How many dicks does he have?
Geoff: He can’t do shit to us. Michael: There like nine dicks hanging out. Michael: Oh those are his legs, never mind.
Jack: Can we build a turret? Let’s build a turret. Michael: There’s two up there, by the way.
Geoff: [laughs] A turrent.
Ray: “Let’s build a turret”? [laughs] Michael: There’s two spiders on the roof by the way. Ray: Oh. Michael: Mother fucker, we are infested. [Jack and Geoff laugh] Gavin: Is the sun rising or setting? Jack and Michael: It’s rising.
[Michael laughs] Michael: Gavin doesn’t know because he’s stuck underground. Gavin: [laughs] I’ve been underground for four days. Michael: Living underground.
Geoff: Oh, he’s fucking dead as shit. Geoff: Got some spider string. What do we do with that? Michael: [screams] Ah! Fucking son of a bitch! Jack: [laughs] What are you doing, Michael? Michael: [yelling] I stepped outside and got fucked in my ass! Damnit. Fucking spider.
Ray: Well… Michael: At least I got some of my shit. Though, apparently the rest was looted. Geoff: Where’s our uh…
Jack: What is this doing out here? Jack: There’s like one chunk of wood or a fucking rock outside. Michael: That;s where I just died probably.
Jack: I fixed it. Geoff: Jack, where’s uh-where’s our cave that we made? Jack: Right here.
Michael: Damn it! Michael: Oh, somebody’s on fire over there.
Jack: This is our mining area down here. Michael: What the hell was that?
Geoff: Oh, fuck yeah, baby. Geoff: So I can use a pickaxe to fuckin’- Michael: Come here sheep, you motherfucker.
Jack: Yeah, don’t let shit fall on top of your head, Jack: though like, it’ll cave in on you. Geoff: Oh right, yeah I heard about that. Michae: C’mere you fuckin’ spider piece of shit.
Jack: Alright, I’m behind you, Geoff. Geoff: Fuckin’…
Jack: Let’s just mine the fuck out of this thing. Michael: Aww dude, you got fuckin’ rekt. Geoff: You know what we need to do is… Uh we need some wood board. Not planks, but just wood, wood.
[Ray yells] Geoff: So that we can make coal. Once we get coal, we’re in fuckin’-
Ray: Did you do that? Ray: Are you serious?! Ray: There may or may not be lava engulfing our house right now. Jack: What?!
Geoff: What?!… What?!
Michael: HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL?! Ray: Gavin thought it’d be funny to pour– Jack: Oh god!!
Michael: GAVIN YOU FUCK! Michael: Come on!
[Gavin laughing] Jack: What the fuck happened?
Michael: Nooo! Our offices! Geoff: Gavin, what did you do?! Michael: My bed! You fuck.
[Jack laughs] Gavin: What? What happened? Jack: You’re out- You’re out of Achievement Hunter. That’s it. Geoff: We’re gonna die now!
Micheal: God dammit! Geoff: You fuckin’ cocksucker! How did you—what did…
[Gavin laughing quietly] Michael: Can you like, get water
Jack: Here, let’s–let’s– Michael: and dump water on it?
Jack: Let’s make it go to the– Jack: Let’s make it go into the fuckin’- the river. Geoff: Make a pail! Geoff: Fuckin’ shovel it out.
Michael: God, you suck! Michael: You suck shit, Gavin.
Geoff: Fuckin’ I hate you. Jack: Alright, let’s make it go to the river. Geoff: What is wrong with you?
Jack: Get out, get out, get out, get out. Gavin: What? I’m in my underground fortress. I don’t know- [Michael screams]
[Everybody else laughs] Michael: [screams] I spawned in the house!
[Gavin laughs] I’m in the fuckin’ house!!
[Michael screams] Fuck! No! Goddamnit! Gavin: Guys, what went on? [laughs] Jack: Alright, let’s make the lava hit the water.
Michael: Goddamnit. Michael: “Your home bed was missing or obstructed” Michael: Yeah it got engulfed by lava.
Geoff: Oh fuck! Get up, get up, get up!
[Jack yells] Geoff: Jesus Christ.
Michael: Gavin, you fuck! Geoff: Alright. Let’s make it go this way.
[Gavin laughs quietly] Jack: No. Here, I’ve got it, and it’s going towards the water. Michael: There. Dude, not even Tommy Lee Jones could save this shit. Michael: This is fucked.
Geoff: Uh fuck, uh fuck, get upstairs. Get up. [Geoff sighs loudly]
[Gavin giggles softly] Ray: Are you happy? ‘Cause this is all your doing.
Michael: Goddamnit. Ray: This is all your doing.
[Gavin and Jack laugh] Gavin: Dude, I was underground. I didn’t…
Jack: You are a scumbag.
Michael: Goddamnit. Gavin: I was hangin’ out, eating a meat pie.
Michael: You piece of shit. Michael: I have to keep cutting back to Gavin plotting our murder. Gavin: Next thing I know everybody’s freaking out about nothing- [screams] Jack: [laughs] Is Gavin dead yet? Gavin: [Screams] Creeper! Ahh! I’ve got no health. Jack: Alright,
Gavin: I’m gonna die. Jack: I got the water- water and lava are hitting each other.
[Gavin yells] Jack: I don’t know what that’s doing.
Michael: I think it’s safe- Geoff: Oh fuck! I’m in the lava. No!
Jack: What’d you do that for?
[Michael laughs hysterically] Geoff: Goddamnit!!
[Jack laughs] Jack: What’d you do that for, Geoff? [Gavin yelling repeatedly]
Michael: Fucking get off me. Jack: Wait where’s Gavin? I need to fuckin’ murder his ass. [Gavin sputters]
Ray: Gavin’s under-
[Jack laughs] Michael: I think it’s safe to say our house is fucked. Gavin: Oh! Thank crike. Oh. [giggles quietly] Geoff: Look at our hou- I put so much work into that! Michael: Seriously, I’m so glad I did not play the tutorial. Michael: Just- ‘Hey we’ll figure it out. Gavin’ll burn your house down.’ With lava, you’ll melt it! Gavin: As soon as we started the game, I was like “Right, I’m gonna make a bucket, I’m gonna find lava.” That was all I had planned. [laughs]
[Everybody laughs] And it was only when Ray started robbing my walls, that I thought “Yeah, they deserve it”. Ray: Robbing your walls? I was grabbing cobblestone. Gavin: Yeah, from my house. [Geoff sighs] Ray: Your house underground?
[Gavin giggles softly] Geoff: I got nothin’ now. Gavin: At least it looks pretty. [Michael cackles] Gavin: [laughs] I like the idea of you sleeping in those beds. Micheal: [imitating Geoff] I got nothin’ now. That’d be the hottest night’s sleep you’ll ever have. You’ll have nightmares.
[Jack laughs] Michael: I’m gonna kill you. Gavin: Whew! Geoff: Everything! We lost our beds, we lost our windows, Geoff: we lost our crafting table, we lost our furnace
Michael: Not only that, Michael: but you know what’s more important than that, Geoff? Michael: The memories I lost.
Geoff: Yeah! Michael: The beds! The beds are in the lava, but they’re still there.
[Gavin giggles softly] Jack: I’m trying to make the water flow over lava.
Gavin: Oh I struck gold! [Michael snorts] [Swoosh]

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