Wilderness Survival Skills
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACADEMY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM “THE DANISH GIRL,” “FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM,” AND “THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING.” HIS LATEST FILM IS “THE AERONAUTS.”>>ALL I ASK TO BE GIVEN THE FREEDOM TO UNDERTAKE MY EXPERIMENTS.>>I’M NOT A COACHMAN FOR HIRE >>GOOD, BECAUSE I’M …
At first I was afraid, I was petrified Kept thinking I could never find a channel good enough But then I spent so many nights watching videos of this clown With silly songs And I started to sing along My life is back From cyberspace I’m just so happy that I found that crazy guy …
>>IT’S VERY, VERY EARLY IN THE MORNING AND I’M IN THE HOME OF NBA ALL-STAR AND L.A. CLIPPERS PO WARD FORWARD BLAKE GRIFFIN. LITTLE DOES BLAKE KNOW THAT TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF HIS LIFE. I’M GOING TO WAKE HIM UP AND MAKE SOME CHANGES. LET’S GO. GOING TO BE VERY …
– [Seth] Yeah. – You got me drunk on your late night show, so it’s only fair we day-drink on my daytime show. – Great. – So, get ready, Meyers! (crowd cheering) Get ready! – I’m very excited. – Okay, drinks are coming in. Each drink is themed to a different area of your life. …
– In our smartphone world, it’s easy to forget that disaster can strike at any moment. That’s why as a public service, I want all of you to be ready with what I call, Mad Crazy Survival Skills. (Rock Music) – [Announcer] Crazy Mad Survival Skillz (Laughing and Clapping) – Here to show us is …
Gavin: I have a question about starving to death. Gus: Go on Gavin: Say I went without food, I was through the desert, crawling along, Eventually I starve to death. Burnie: Right. Gavin: Say, 30 seconds before I starve to death a dude held a sandwich I wouldn’t just die, would I? I’d be like, …
Let’s review the series of events that led to this predicament, shall we? Despite exhausting my vast knowledge of wilderness survival I’ve been forced to evacuate three different islands. One, because it now contains magically appearing rabid dogs currently awaiting my return. Another that is home to giant spiders, ugly mermen and weirdly scary little …
NARRATOR: This summer, prepare for the poorly-directed movie adaptation of the young adult phenomenon that isn’t about gay vampires. The Hunger Games. In a dystopian future, the rich dress like second-rate Lady Gagas in cities leftover from Phantom Menace while the poor struggle for survival in unnecessary shaky cam. But can still somehow afford futuristic projection thingies. One girl …
Congratulations. You are still alive. But before you go… I want to play another game. Another game? I want to play.. monopoly. What?! No! What about Scrabble? Or Boggle? Do you like Boggle? I wanna go home! Forget Boggle. What about some Hungry, Hungry Hippos? Let me out of here! Okay, okay fine. But let …
*Summer of Animation…Animation* Coffee! Black! Now! Huh? Morning, Max! What the hell is going on? We’re in line for breakfast! Is anyone serving breakfast? Doesn’t seem so… And no one thought to question anything? Look, man, I’m a sheep. I don’t ask questions. *Trumpet tune * Cameron Campbell: Good morning children! Guess who’s got two …