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The Walking Dead Survival Guide


♪♪ ♪♪>>YOU ARE WATCHINGTHE WALKING DEAD.♪♪>>EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP! NOW WE’VE DEALT WITH THESE WALKERS FOR A LONG TIME. WE’VE LOST A LOT OF GOOD PEOPLE, BUT I MISS SOMEONE WHO I FEEL IS THE ULTIMATE ZOMBIE SURVIVOR. HE’S GOING TO TEACH US A FEW THINGS. TERRY, COME ON UP.>>HEY GUYS, I’M TERRY. I’M HERE TO TEACH YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT SURVIVING WALKERS. IT’S PRETTY SIMPLE. MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.>>WHAT DO YOU MEAN?>>UM, EXACTLY WHAT I SAID. JUST, I HEAR ONE COMING AND I MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.>>BUT, WITH HOW MANY GUNS?>>UH, NO GUNS ACTUALLY. I JUST USE MY HEALTHY LEGS TO MOVE FASTER THAN A HALF-ROTTED STUMBLING CORPSE.>>BOO! THAT AIN’T NO SOLUTION!>>QUIET MAGGIE! NOW, I KNOW IT’S COMPLICATED, BUT HEAR HIM OUT.>>IT’S NOT- OKAY, LOOK, THESE GUYS ARE SLOW, DUMB, LOUD, AND MOVE ABOUT AS GRACEFULLY AS A BABY DOE ON A TRAMPOLINE.>>MY WIFE WAS KILLED BY A BABY DOE ON A TRAMPOLINE!>>THAT’S A GOOD POINT.>>OKAY- WHEN- WHEN A WALKER APPEARS, JUST GO AHEAD AND WALK BRISKLY IN THE OTHER DIRECTION OR JUST WALK AT A NORMAL PACE IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. SERIOUSLY, IT’S THAT EASY.>>AT WHAT POINT DO I FALL ON THE GROUND AND COWER LIKE A CHILD?>>THAT’S A GOOD QUESTION.>>I WOULD NOT DO THAT.>>SO- >>IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY FALL DOWN YOU COULD CRAWL AWAY. YOU CAN LITERALLY CRAWL FASTER THAN THESE GUYS CAN MOVE.>>WHAT ABOUT WHEN THEY SNEAK UP ON YOU?>>HOW ARE THEY SNEAKING UP ON YOU? I’M- WHA- >>YOU JUST SEE THEM COMING?>>GUYS, HONESTLY, A SCREAMING COW WALKING OVER A FLOOR MADE OF FRITOS WOULD BE QUIETER THAN A WALKER.>>MY BROTHER WAS KILLED BY A SCREAMING COW IN A FRITO FACTORY!>>WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FAMILY?>>WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE IN A HOUSE SEARCHING FOR SUPPLIES AND A BUNCH OF THEM CORNER YOU?>>THAT IS EXACTLY A GOOD QUESTION. BEFORE ENTERING A HOUSE USE YOUR EARS. IF YOU HEAR LOUD GURGLING MOANING, SHUT THE DOOR AND MOVE ON. SERIOUSLY, THESE TERRIFYING MONSTERS DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO OPEN DOORS.>>WHAT ABOUT WHEN YOU THINK YOU HEAR SOMETHING IN FRONT OF YOU AND SO YOU KEEP LOOKING AHEAD WHILE SLOWLY MOVING BACKWARDS INTO A DARK PART OF A ROOM WITHOUT LOOKING BEHIND YOU?>>BEEN THERE 50 TIMES.>>GUYS, LOOKS, IT’S NOT VERY HARD. STEP ONE, LISTEN FOR WALKERS. STEP TWO, IF YOU HEAR ONE COMING, WALK AWAY. GOOD?>>NOT GOOD!>>WHAT’S STEP THREE?>>YOU WITH YOUR FANCY TALK AND LACK OF PIT STAINS MAKES ME THINK THAT->>PRIME EXAMPLE. DOES ANYBODY HEAR THAT?>>DON’T INTERRUPT ME WHEN I’M ANGRILY NOT BEING AWARE OF MY SURROUNDINGS!>>[METAL CLANKING] >>THIS NONSENSE ABOUT MOVING OUT OF THE WAY IS A WASTE OF TIME!>>SERIOUSLY, NOBODY HEARS ANYTHING?>>[METAL CLANKING] >>THESE WALKERS ARE STEALTHY AS SILENT AS THE GRAVE FROM WHENCE THEY CAME!>>[ZOMBIE GARBLES] >>HE IS PRACTICALLY BLEEDING ON YOU.>>EVEN I, WITH MY FINELY TUNED SENSES CAN’T ALWAYS DISCERN WHEN A WALK- SWEET BLUE JEANS!>>WALKER! FORM UP! TIGHT CIRCLE! ENGAGE ON MY COUNT! ♪♪>>GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. OKAY. YOU’RE DONE. YOU’RE DONE. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. NOW FOLLOW ME. THERE YOU GO. GOOD BOY. COME ON. COME ON. THERE YOU GO! THIS IS- RIGHT, EVERYBODY STILL WATCHING? ALL RIGHT! AND NOW- >>[GRUNTING] >>IT’S THAT EASY!>>BLACK MAGIC!>>NO, IT’S THE WILL TO SURVIVE!>>THEY’RE JUST DUMB AND FRAIL! AT THE RATE THAT THEY HAVE DECAYED, THEY COULD IMPALE THEMSELVES ON A DANDELION COVERED IN FABRIC SOFTENER.>>MY SON WAS MURDERED BY A DANDELION COVERED IN->>SIR! HOW HAVE YOU SURVIVED THE APOCALYPSE? I CAN’T EVEN- >>WHAT A STRANGE DUDE.>>COME ON EVERYONE, BEST GO RUIN ANOTHER SETTLEMENT.>>I’M JUST GOING TO GRAB A QUICK SNACK. [SCREAMING] NO! NO!>>THANKS FOR WATCHING GUYS!>>WALKER!>>STEP ONE, SUBSCRIBE BELOW.>>WATCH OUT!>>STEP TWO, SHARE THIS WITH YOUR WALKING DEAD FRIENDS!>>I’VE GOT A KNIFE. WHOA, WALKER!>>I’M GOING TO LET HIM GO. CAN YOU HANDLE IT?>>OH, HE DISARMED ME! HE JUST- GRAB A ROCK! WHOA!>>DUDE.>>WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT!>>OKAY. ALL RIGHT.>>WATCH OUT! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!>>DUDE!>>WHOA! WHOA! OH NO!>>GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!

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